I finished another journal last week and I’ve already started a new one. I always look forward to the end of each journal as I get to look back upon all the things I’ve written. When I read through my latest journal, I realised how much I had grown as a person in the past year and a half. I’m glad parts of me have changed, it means I’ve made mistakes and learnt from them, and isn’t that what life’s about? So many people fear change, and sometimes I do too, but confronting yourself and stepping outside of your comfort zone is much better than running away.
My yearbook quote was “Life isn’t like the movies, but you can sure as hell act like it is.” It’s strange because even after all these years; after all the heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal and tristesse, I still act as if my life is straight out of a 1950’s American Romance film (most likely starring Gene Kelly or Audrey Hepburn). There have been times where my sheer optimism has faded, but a part of me has always believed in the notion of something ‘better and bigger’ being out there for me. It’s a simple feeling of hope really.
After playing different versions of myself for so many years and spending so much time trying to figure out who I was, I always had my eternal optimism. There was always the promise of something ‘more’, I didn’t know what it was, but I trusted that it would get better. I can’t say I think it’s entirely realistic, but it’s something I believe in, so does it really matter? I doubt I’ll ever reach my ‘something more’, but I’m quite content with that; if I spend my life hopeful and optimistic, whilst still enjoying the present, then I think I will have lived a good life.