Goodness it’s been a while hasn’t it? I often underestimate how swept up in life I get. It’s not necessarily a bad thing- I’ve enjoyed being busy, but it is nice to step back and reflect every now and then isn’t it? Take a deep breath and truly allow your shoulders to drop down and relax, unclench your jaw and simply feel.
As I’ve already mentioned, I’ve been busy; between my final year of University, my job and having a social life, it’s not been easy to find a second to breathe. Though, I do love it; feeling busy, having a purpose, it gives me a sense of peace and contentment that I’ve not always been familiar with.
The last few years have been such a learning curve, one that has allowed me to make many mistakes and learn twice as many lessons. I’ve had time to explore my sense of self, get comfortable with what makes me uncomfortable and figure out what I want to do with my life post-University. I’ve had time to reflect upon past experiences and let go of not-so-happy memories- not to worry, I’ve had plenty of time to replace them with much nicer ones.
If I’m honest, truly honest, with myself, I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been (or at least the most sustained amount of time of feeling content). It’s quite incredible what a year away from everything can do to a person; plenty of time to observe the different facets and dimensions of your mind. I hope to continue exploring my own mind, to learn more about ‘how and why I am?’ as I truly believe that looking inwards helps us understand our outward actions.
As we approach the colder months, I feel a little anxious as this time of year holds much sentiment for me. I begin to anticipate feeling despondent, despite in reality feeling quite the opposite. It’s an instinct of sorts or perhaps simply a defence mechanism, a survival technique; it’s difficult to realise you’re even doing it, you see. However, I have been reminding myself of one thing; once the snow melts, there’s Spring. It’s a cliché phrase, I know, but if you have any knowledge of who I am then you’ll know that I can’t help but romanticise certain aspects of my life- a childish habit I’m sure, but one I don’t much care to change.
I feel compelled to end this entry with an excerpt from a poem, so please enjoy.
“[…]no me dejes perder lo que he ganadoy decora las aguas de tu ríocon hojas de mi otoño enajenado.”Soneta de la dulce queja, Lorca