Bi The Way…

Cher Journal,

 

Why is ‘coming out’ even a thing? I’ve never once had to clarify being heterosexual, or tell my parents that I’m attracted to the opposite sex. Heterosexuality has always been assumed, or pushed upon me; “I’m assuming we’re all straight here…” *insert awkward laughter from me*. The jokes about never wanting to date someone who’s bisexual; surely they’re twice as likely to cheat? Or the girls that worry that their best friend, who recently revealed that they like the same sex, will ‘try something’ on their next sleepover. Despite often joking around about being “as straight as a round-a-bout”, I still felt the need to defensively clarify after the laughter that “I am straight though.” Every time I proudly stated this I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, as the word ‘lie’ came to the front of my mind.

I think year 9 was when I had my first crush on a girl, and I realised that although I too was drooling over Leonardo Dicaprio in Titanic (like the other girls in my class), I was also drooling over Kate Winslet (I mean, she was only wearing that necklace guys). Despite crushing hard on one of my peers, I told myself that it was just one of those ‘experimenting’ phases that most teenage girls go through, nothing to be taken seriously.

A week ago was when I openly admitted to being bisexual. I spent 5 years convincing myself that it was just a phase and that my sexuality shouldn’t be taken seriously. Recently I’ve been doing a lot of accepting, and honestly it’s been the most liberating thing. I didn’t sit anyone down and make a big speech about sexuality (although if that’s what you feel you need to do then that’s totally okay too!) I casually mentioned it in conversation, as if I’d been open about it my entire life, and the best part was how amazing the response was; it was a simple “Okay”. That was it, we moved on with the conversation. My bisexuality was received so casually that I might as well have said I was straight.

I felt quite overwhelmed by how accepted I felt within my friendship group, and it’s made me realise how lucky I am to be surrounded by such supportive and incredible people. They’ve made me feel completely comfortable with myself, and all I want to do is thank them (you know who you are). I feel honoured to have been able to witness some of my friends be so open about their sexuality; you have had such a positive influence on me, I have learnt a lot from you.

I’d also like to thank the person who initially took the choice of telling people I’m bisexual away from me. You gave me the opportunity to take control and finally be open about it, and in turn accept something about myself that I had been battling for a while. Although I believe your intentions were less than honourable, I don’t mind because I’m happy with the positivity that has come from it.

And on that note I’d like to end with a quote from my new favourite movie…

“I’m supposed to be the one that decides when and how and who knows, and how I get to say it, that’s supposed to be my thing!”  – Love, Simon

Amicalement,

 

Emelie x

 

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